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Diaries Owner Linkies Hello Lovelies,Welcome to my blog of charm.

November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 June 2015 July 2015 August 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 May 2016 July 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 January 2017 February 2017 March 2017 April 2017 January 2018 April 2018 May 2018
Never let me cook your food

2 days ago I tried to make dinner for myself and ended up with a pile of mess . It was meant to be a feast but instead it's met with horror. I tried to fry everything at once and everything starts to turn all mushy and ew .when I tried to rinse it all I thought it's gonna be crispy and hard but NOOO instead it's still all mushy from excess oil . I tried to convince myself that it is still food and ate a lil bit of it . God that was some nasty shyts , it's like having your favorite chicken wing dipped in oil Sauce . In the end I just ate a can of mackerel with rice . Lesson learned . Never let me cook your food. Can foods are still the best.

So last night I made an attempt to cook again and again it's met with disaster . I tried to fry them one at a time but the whole house was soon filled with smoke and everything was just chaotic . For the past few days I've haven't been eating proper food . Cause I've been saving up and eating at my work place is pretty expensive . Anyways, my parents went oversea for 6 days and they are coming back today , in the mean time , I'm supposed to prepare my own lunch and dinner. Which I obviously failed to do . But hey at least I'm still alive . I've been feeling a little light headed lately , I hope everything's fine


So this is just a little in depth and some rants of my working life . So I started working few days ago and this is my 4th day now . So basically we sell branded items like bags ,purse , clothes , accessories , etc . The average price for each items are about 1k-3k . Basically my job scope is pretty simple , I just follow the customer around and give them the  necessarily information about the items if they asked . But as you can see , when I applied for this job I never knew I was selling branded items . I only knew I was going to work as a retail associate but I didn't knew what I was going to sell. Now, 2 things , 1st, I honestly don't support the idea of using animal's skin to make product like bags and all that and I find it strangely ironic that I'm working at a place full of them . 2nd I have little to no interest in branded item hence I can't give personal opinion about the product I'm selling. However , opinions are crucial to captivate the customers attention but I, however , do not see the glorious $3000 bag as an angel from heaven but just a normal bag . If you would to carry a $4k bag on the street I wouldn't even take a second to admire that bag of yours that you so graciously threw your money at. I guess it's just a matter of perceptions ,me being a teen and all , I wouldn't understand all these adult things that make them spend so much money on :/ and it's just infuriating for me to watch them adorn themselves with things that used to breathe . 
It may seem kinda contradicting for me to be saying all these when I'm not a vegan myself. But because of the high demands  for "high quality" bag increase , animals are sometimes being hunt just for their skin, and it's not even about their meat anymore . I just find it really sad . First 2 days was one hell of a day . I made a mistake by wearing a 2 inch platform sneaker to work and my legs had suffered so much aching that I often find myself in urgent need to go toilet to rest my leg since we're not allowed to sit while working . I was so darn tired I couldn't even give a damn when an old lady stood infront of me when I was on the way home from work . I felt really guilty but I decided to give up my seat to this old man. Guess what ? He gave his seat to his grandson instead who seems PERFECTLY healthy enough to stand . (Meh what do I know?) 3rd  day were the better ones as I changed out from my platform shoe to just normal flats and I managed to survive the whole day with my leg attached . It was great until 4th day come . It was a disaster-o . Nah-uh . Not disaster but DISASTER-O . I messed up so much . So there's this china woman who approached me and asked for the material of the bag , the senior who happen to be beside me told me it's calf leather . So I tried to translate it to Chinese and accidentally said " cow meat" in Chinese . She repeated after me  and started laughing . I felt so stupid and tried to re correct myself . She didn't seem to get what I'm trying to say so my senior came to help me (he can't speak Chinese) and tried to imitate a cow by saying "moo moo" it was HILARIOUS  XD  but still that's not the only thing I messed up . The list can go on and on but you get what I'm trying to say . I'm an idiotic klutz who can't do anything right . I started getting a lil bit paranoia  and that's when my anxiety attack occurred (which I mentioned in my previous entry) . My seniors , they are really nice people . I tried to leave the talking for the seniors to do cause I just feel so bad at that time for messing up but at the same time I don't want to be seen as a slacker that doesn't do anything . We are given 1hr break , one in the afternoon and one at night . During my break , I'd usually hang around Popeye to slack but today is Sunday so like the entire area was filled with maids (FYI; everyday Sunday , most of the domestic helpers are given day off, you'll most probably see them in town areas) Anyways , if all goes well . I'll be getting my gaming laptop by the end of November and I'll also probably get a drawing tablet to do some digital art . Oh and I forgot to mention that they also give free bottled drinks .. Everybody (the staff ofcourse ) have acess to it and we wrote down our name to differentiate ( not really something spectacular but just a little details I would like to add before end off) 

Depersonalization/Derealization disorder

I don't know why but while I was working , I suddenly had a panic attack and everything became so unreal to me it's like the touch of my own body feels so unfamiliar like I'm touching a stranger's body . I started questioning myself what am I doing here and why am I here . I became really detached from reality that i stood there frozen trying to grasp my surrounding by taking in what's going on . I was so afraid I couldn't reconnect with my body that I tried to remind myself how I got here in the first place. I've finally regain my composure and I carry on with my work as usual

When I reached home , I researched about what just happen and apparently it's called depersonalization/derealization disorder . The feeling of being detached from your body . That was the weirdest sensation I've ever felt in my life . It's like my life souls are being stripped off from me .

Holiday & Work

So n level is over and it's holiday for me now . I've also started working as well as retail associate . The first 2 days of work
was pretty tiring , especially how I'm so used to lazing around at home and standing for 11hrs was a challenge . Working for such a short period of time made me think twice about the people who work in the business department like cashier ,waiter ,etc . They all have that smile that hides that aching pain underneath them (winkwonk). Honestly it was a challenge to me . The feeling of just wanting to plunge yourself into the comfort of your bed but you can't. Instead we put up a lying smile to those "precious babies" .Nevertheless, the feeling of relieve after you come back from work is still the best . After that , I'll just indulge myself into the  gaming realm , and the routine continues .
During the holiday break , I've met up with some of my friends from my previous school, they were a great bunch and also a really supportive ones . We catch up with our lifes and stuff . It was pretty awkward for me cause there was a few bunch whom I do not know the name of .  Otherwise , I had fun . 
This is a little bit personal but I've officially  cut ties with my friends in my school . They've done nothing in particular to drive me into doing this . But I guess I just have some issues with myself that I can't exactly put it into concrete words. Not that I'd shared it here anyways. 
Overall, my holiday went fine , I know I've pratically squeezed 3 different content into 1 post but I'm just too lazy to write them post by post so there you go . Oh and since it's holiday , I'd be writting more post , some of them could be long or short . Reason being I get bored during my break so I'll probably start using blogging as a platform to vent some stuff out , or maybe just some random posts . I don't know . We'll see how this goes.

Officially graduated !

Today is my last paper ,geography, and that means IVE OFFICIALLY GRADUATED ! :D though I graduated last week but I think the last paper of my n level should mark the official date of graduation . Anywaysssss, how should I say this ... I'm happy that I graduated but I'm also a lil sad as well . 
I'm happy because , well I can finally drop that stupid smile of mine to shut everyone's "are you ok ?" Up .  
I'm sad because I didn't manage to express my feelings in the end .
Now that all of this is over , I can finally cry in peace :') 
Here, enjoy the photos