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Never let me cook your food
2 days ago I tried to make dinner for myself and ended up with a pile of mess . It was meant to be a feast but instead it's met with horror. I tried to fry everything at once and everything starts to turn all mushy and ew .when I tried to rinse it all I thought it's gonna be crispy and hard but NOOO instead it's still all mushy from excess oil . I tried to convince myself that it is still food and ate a lil bit of it . God that was some nasty shyts , it's like having your favorite chicken wing dipped in oil Sauce . In the end I just ate a can of mackerel with rice . Lesson learned . Never let me cook your food. Can foods are still the best.
So last night I made an attempt to cook again and again it's met with disaster . I tried to fry them one at a time but the whole house was soon filled with smoke and everything was just chaotic . For the past few days I've haven't been eating proper food . Cause I've been saving up and eating at my work place is pretty expensive . Anyways, my parents went oversea for 6 days and they are coming back today , in the mean time , I'm supposed to prepare my own lunch and dinner. Which I obviously failed to do . But hey at least I'm still alive . I've been feeling a little light headed lately , I hope everything's fine
So this is just a little in depth and some rants of my working life . So I started working few days ago and this is my 4th day now . So basically we sell branded items like bags ,purse , clothes , accessories , etc . The average price for each items are about 1k-3k . Basically my job scope is pretty simple , I just follow the customer around and give them the necessarily information about the items if they asked . But as you can see , when I applied for this job I never knew I was selling branded items . I only knew I was going to work as a retail associate but I didn't knew what I was going to sell. Now, 2 things , 1st, I honestly don't support the idea of using animal's skin to make product like bags and all that and I find it strangely ironic that I'm working at a place full of them . 2nd I have little to no interest in branded item hence I can't give personal opinion about the product I'm selling. However , opinions are crucial to captivate the customers attention but I, however , do not see the glorious $3000 bag as an angel from heaven but just a normal bag . If you would to carry a $4k bag on the street I wouldn't even take a second to admire that bag of yours that you so graciously threw your money at. I guess it's just a matter of perceptions ,me being a teen and all , I wouldn't understand all these adult things that make them spend so much money on :/ and it's just infuriating for me to watch them adorn themselves with things that used to breathe .
It may seem kinda contradicting for me to be saying all these when I'm not a vegan myself. But because of the high demands for "high quality" bag increase , animals are sometimes being hunt just for their skin, and it's not even about their meat anymore . I just find it really sad . First 2 days was one hell of a day . I made a mistake by wearing a 2 inch platform sneaker to work and my legs had suffered so much aching that I often find myself in urgent need to go toilet to rest my leg since we're not allowed to sit while working . I was so darn tired I couldn't even give a damn when an old lady stood infront of me when I was on the way home from work . I felt really guilty but I decided to give up my seat to this old man. Guess what ? He gave his seat to his grandson instead who seems PERFECTLY healthy enough to stand . (Meh what do I know?) 3rd day were the better ones as I changed out from my platform shoe to just normal flats and I managed to survive the whole day with my leg attached . It was great until 4th day come . It was a disaster-o . Nah-uh . Not disaster but DISASTER-O . I messed up so much . So there's this china woman who approached me and asked for the material of the bag , the senior who happen to be beside me told me it's calf leather . So I tried to translate it to Chinese and accidentally said " cow meat" in Chinese . She repeated after me and started laughing . I felt so stupid and tried to re correct myself . She didn't seem to get what I'm trying to say so my senior came to help me (he can't speak Chinese) and tried to imitate a cow by saying "moo moo" it was HILARIOUS XD but still that's not the only thing I messed up . The list can go on and on but you get what I'm trying to say . I'm an idiotic klutz who can't do anything right . I started getting a lil bit paranoia and that's when my anxiety attack occurred (which I mentioned in my previous entry) . My seniors , they are really nice people . I tried to leave the talking for the seniors to do cause I just feel so bad at that time for messing up but at the same time I don't want to be seen as a slacker that doesn't do anything . We are given 1hr break , one in the afternoon and one at night . During my break , I'd usually hang around Popeye to slack but today is Sunday so like the entire area was filled with maids (FYI; everyday Sunday , most of the domestic helpers are given day off, you'll most probably see them in town areas) Anyways , if all goes well . I'll be getting my gaming laptop by the end of November and I'll also probably get a drawing tablet to do some digital art . Oh and I forgot to mention that they also give free bottled drinks .. Everybody (the staff ofcourse ) have acess to it and we wrote down our name to differentiate ( not really something spectacular but just a little details I would like to add before end off)
I don't know why but while I was working , I suddenly had a panic attack and everything became so unreal to me it's like the touch of my own body feels so unfamiliar like I'm touching a stranger's body . I started questioning myself what am I doing here and why am I here . I became really detached from reality that i stood there frozen trying to grasp my surrounding by taking in what's going on . I was so afraid I couldn't reconnect with my body that I tried to remind myself how I got here in the first place. I've finally regain my composure and I carry on with my work as usual
When I reached home , I researched about what just happen and apparently it's called depersonalization/derealization disorder . The feeling of being detached from your body . That was the weirdest sensation I've ever felt in my life . It's like my life souls are being stripped off from me .
Holiday & Work
So n level is over and it's holiday for me now . I've also started working as well as retail associate . The first 2 days of work
was pretty tiring , especially how I'm so used to lazing around at home and standing for 11hrs was a challenge . Working for such a short period of time made me think twice about the people who work in the business department like cashier ,waiter ,etc . They all have that smile that hides that aching pain underneath them (winkwonk). Honestly it was a challenge to me . The feeling of just wanting to plunge yourself into the comfort of your bed but you can't. Instead we put up a lying smile to those "precious babies" .Nevertheless, the feeling of relieve after you come back from work is still the best . After that , I'll just indulge myself into the gaming realm , and the routine continues .
During the holiday break , I've met up with some of my friends from my previous school, they were a great bunch and also a really supportive ones . We catch up with our lifes and stuff . It was pretty awkward for me cause there was a few bunch whom I do not know the name of . Otherwise , I had fun .
This is a little bit personal but I've officially cut ties with my friends in my school . They've done nothing in particular to drive me into doing this . But I guess I just have some issues with myself that I can't exactly put it into concrete words. Not that I'd shared it here anyways.
Overall, my holiday went fine , I know I've pratically squeezed 3 different content into 1 post but I'm just too lazy to write them post by post so there you go . Oh and since it's holiday , I'd be writting more post , some of them could be long or short . Reason being I get bored during my break so I'll probably start using blogging as a platform to vent some stuff out , or maybe just some random posts . I don't know . We'll see how this goes.
Officially graduated !
Today is my last paper ,geography, and that means IVE OFFICIALLY GRADUATED ! :D though I graduated last week but I think the last paper of my n level should mark the official date of graduation . Anywaysssss, how should I say this ... I'm happy that I graduated but I'm also a lil sad as well .
I'm happy because , well I can finally drop that stupid smile of mine to shut everyone's "are you ok ?" Up .
I'm sad because I didn't manage to express my feelings in the end .
Now that all of this is over , I can finally cry in peace :')
Here, enjoy the photos
I'll write whatever I want , go ahead and judge me however you like BUT negative comments will not be tolerated :)